How I wish you were here
by glowfly
Summary: The end after the end...
1. Chapter 1

The returning Dream

- Ouf!

Sonea closed the door. Another day has passed. Some weeks ago she hoped it would become easier, but it doesn´t. Her pregnancy was the only reason for getting up every single day. „I have to go on", she thought. Everytime she looked at her steadily growing belly she got an overwhelming feeling of joy, but at the same time she felt the most painful prick which paralyses her. She was really tired. On the one hand Sonea was glad that the work in the hospital was a useful one which helped her not to think about the last months, on the other she was afraid to fall asleep. She didn´t know how long she could hide her real feelings from the other magicians, especially from Rothen. He looked at her in a really strange way sometimes. Sonea realized how tired she was and a strange fear pervades her whole body.

- „It can´t go on like this forever.", she said to herself, but deep inside she knew that it could.

Every night she had the same strange dream and she was afraid that she couldn´t get rid of it. She has told Rothen that she can´t sleep very well the last nights and he gave her a light soporific, she hoped that it would keep her from dreaming. Sonea sat down at her bed, looked at the glass in her hands and drank it fast, because it had such a disgusting taste. She shivered as she laid down. Only a few minutes later she got caught by her dreams...

A face appeared. His face! There it was again. Akkarin smiled at her weakly.

- „I don´t allow you to look so sad!" he said decided and looked her straight into the eyes.

She felt the craving for feeling his warm body right next to her.

- „You can´t always get what you want." she answered and recognized a whiff of anger in his aura.

- „If you would help me and do what i´m asking you for, you wouldn´t have to torture yourself anymore." He whispered. „Don´t close your mind otherwise i can´t tell you what´s your abandonment." „As a novize you never resisted me!Well maybe a few times...", he added smiling whimsically.

His face became serious again

- „But this time you have to trust me and do what I tell you to."

All the nights before Sonea didn´t followed his request but this night she was to weak to resist. She openend her mind and Akkarin told her that she had to go to the closet with the secret books in the library. Once she opened it to look for maps about the secret corridors under the buildings of the guild. He didn´t told her what she had to look for. Sonea was really dissappointed, but when she woke up this morning she was determined to look what she would find. Even if she was much more tired then the mornings before she senses excitement.


	2. Chapter 2

The secret discovery

Sonea stood in front of the closet and felt like she was out of place. It would be easier if I knew what I am looking for. She cursed her own stupidness. „I am just here because I´m not able to accept the fact that Akkarin ist dead, my pain would last and that our Baby won´t ever have a real family. There isn´t a way to bring him back to life." She laid in on her. „Let me run free, Akkarin!" she thought angry and winced. She won´t ever forget him and although she didn´t want to. „I only want him to be right by my side." Sonea recognized that her eyes were filled with tears. She started to concentrade on the books in the closet even if her mind told her that it is absurd she waited for something to happen. Nothing. She closed her eyes and felt the dissapointment and exhaustion spreading in her body. Then there was a noise and she opened her eyes again. Someone must have droped a book. „But the noise was so near" she considered. In this moment she noticed the book which laid right next to her left foot. „How could this happen?" Sonea asked herself. She looked at the closed doors of the closet where the book came from. „I haven´t opened the door how did it come out?" Sonea shivered as she read the title „The Secrets of Black Magic". Does anybody know that this book excists? Sonea put it sneaking under her black robe and looked around her frightened, but no one was there. Without her will her feet began to run and she couldn´t do anything against it. A few minuts later she found herself at her room, closing the door with an extra strong spell. Breathless she sank on the chair, putting the book on the table right in front of her. She took a deep breath and opened it. At this moment she felt a familiar breath.

- „Akkarin? Are you there?"

She realizes that she had said this aloud and she take another breath before she wanted to start telling herself how stupid she was when she conceived a light aura... Sonea stood up to think about it and looked at the annulus with the red stone in it. Her hand caught it automatically and put it on her finger. Sonea couldn´t belief what she was feeling. She rubbed her eyes to proof if she was still sleeping, but she was awake. There was his aura. She was sure about it. How could this be? Maybe the annulus was filled with a rest of Akkarins energy? She was scared witless. „Am I loosing all my senses or was there his voice?" She tried to listen, but the voice seemed to be far away. It was very low not more than a whisper, but Sonea was sure to identify Akkarin. Sonea concentrated on listening.

- „Good girl, you found the book. Read it!" Akkarins voice said.

- „What am I looking for?" she said aloud.

- „When you find it you will know it. I can´t tell it to you. I´ve got my reasons to act like this. I´m sorry, but now you have to do it on your own. I am not allowed to give you more hints. One last thing I want you to know is that if you find out what you have to you have to make a hard decision. I want that your decision occurs without depending on me, because it´s your own choice and you are in charge. Although I want you to know that I love you whatever your decision includes for me."

Sonea felt that Akkarins aura has left. Anger that he left again and the habitual pain filled her body again. Without knowing what she was looking for Sonea began to read the book. Unsure what she was looking for, but sure about the fact that she would find IT. Sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

„The Secrets of Black Magic"

Sonea read the whole night and the following day. When Rothen visited her for breakfast she already told him that she felt too bad for working at the hospital in the slum.

„I didn´t lie when I told him that it´s because my pregnancy." Sonea calmed herself. The baby has been very active at night. Her little boy never acted so anxious before. She experienced her childbearing as a very easy affair. „Maybe the baby feels that something is going on?" Even if the due date came closer and closer, she wasn´t sure how to call her little boy. „Maybe Lorlen, like Akkarins friend?" But this name was a part of the cruel past. Sonea began to feel badly melancholy. „Everything would be so much easier and bettter with him by my side..."

Sonea finished reading in the afternoon, but instead of getting hints she was even more confused than before. Disappointed she closed the book and put it back on the table. She decided to sleep a little and to think about it later. „I´ve got nothing to loose and if there´s something what I can do to change or even improve my situation, it has to wait."

When Sonea got up again there was something missing. The dream. Akkarin hasn't been waiting for her in her dreams. Undecided if she was glad or sad about it her eyes move around her room. Finally her glance got caught by her table. Something was different. She stood up. Now she realized that the book was opened. „Didn´t I close it? I think I did. I'm not myself right now, if I actually can´t remember such unimportant things." But was it really that meaningless? She read the title of the chapter „Mentors and their Novices". Sonea remembered reading it vaguely. Nevertheless she started reading again. How could she has been so blind and ignorant?! This was Akkarins chapter. Her chapter. „Our chapter and maybe" she thought curious „the chapter of the book about our future." Really excited Sonea read it over and over again. Word for word. She just couldn´t believe what this passage told her. Even if she wasn´t sure that she understood the whole meaning of every single word, she realized what Akkarin told her about the decision she had to make. This was the second in which everything fitted together and made sense. A puzzle that was nearly finished. Even if she had to make up her mind what she wanted to do with the last piece of the puzzle, she felt how a feeling of truth crept over her. The lines which seemed to be the most important ones to her said:

„If a Mentor isn´t able to finish the education of a Novice, because of his death, there is a way to get him back to fulfil his obligation.

First case: The death of a magician who got absorbed by his energy. (see page 255)

Second case: a) A magician who used up his complete energy in a fight. (see page 256)

b) A magician who gave all his power to someone to support this person for any reason. (see page 303)

c) A magician who consumes his hole energy for other reason. (see page 305 following)"

Sonea couldn´t find the pages. So she went on to find how it should work and even if she has read the whole book before she found other important passages. One after another arrested her attention. For example another one about black magician couples who made bloodstones for each other.

„The part who died is caught in a place where he or she is able to communicate until the partners death because their minds are a kind of melted together. In this exceptional case his Body is dead, but he´s caught in a different place. Although it takes lots of energy it´s possible. Otherwise it´s impossible to bring him back to life."

So many thoughts ran through Soneas head. Everything madly spun around her. Sentence by sentence seemed to fit to their situation. She got so many information, but no explanations. Sonea knew that her relationship with Akkarin would never be the same again, but even if there was the remotest chance to be a little closer to him, she would take it!

- „Come back to me Akkarin! It´s almost easy!"


End file.
